The Dance Manual – Chapter 3

For Parents: Essential Steps

My Reflection: As I review this list, the three that caught my attention are…

1. Of the three things that got my attention, the first was the recommendation for parents to ask what other parents ask. This is such a valuable question because they might be so flustered by the whole process that they have no idea what to ask.
2. Parents need to also make time for themselves. We can provide them with local churches or groups that provide a Parents’ Night Out for families with special needs children. We need to remind them that if they don’t take care of themselves, they can’t take care of their child.
3. Lastly, and most importantly, “remember that your child is the same unique, wonderful child she or he was before the assessments” (Fialka, Feldman, & Mikus, 2012, p.97).

Additionally, I want parents to know that a test or assessment doesn’t define the child; it just lets us know how to better serve them.

High Expectations and Hope

How does the reframing of “in denial” impact your thinking about what families might experience?

This Fall Texas A & M University will become the first university in Texas to offer a four-year program for students with intellectual and developmental disabilities. How exciting! I watched an interview with a young lady with Downs Syndrome who is so excited to follow in her mother’s footsteps as an Aggie.

When reading this section of the chapter, my mind immediately went back to her smile as she walked around the campus. I think her parents were “in hope” as she grew up. I hope that I will forever be reminded of her smile if I ever revert to thinking of a parent as being “in denial”. I want to be the educator they can come to when they want to be encouraged, never discouraged.

For Professionals: Essential Steps

Name two other strategies you can use to promote partnerships.

One thing I think is important for me to improve my relationships with parents is not just listening to them, but remembering what they tell me and checking in with them later. So often, we are in a hurry to begin our next task that we may not truly be listening to the things that don’t have to do with the child specifically.

If they have other children, learning their names and what they like to do. Talking to them about their soccer game or what they did at school that day. I have a student with an older sister who is also at our school. I can tell that sometimes she is embarrassed to be dismissed out the backdoor with her little sister. She wants to ride the bus with her friends instead of getting in the car with her mom. I make it a point to ask her about her day. I want to genuinely know that I care about her too. They also have a younger brother who is in the car with Mom in the afternoons. I try to do the same with him. I can tell that Mom really appreciates the added attention all of her children recieve.

What strikes you as important to remember when meetings are beginning?

I love the idea of offering the parent a beverage at the beginning of the meeting. Our diagnostician always has pens and a box of tissues in the middle of the table, but how much better would it make it if there was also a basket of chocolate? Our principal always has one right next to the sign in sheet at faculty meetings, so why not at an ARD also?

I think name plates would be nice also. There is nothing worse than sitting around a table with people who know each other. Especially if those people are potentially going to share “bad news” about your child. I would love to make name plates that are carefully made and laminated so they don’t look like they were thrown together at the last minute. It might be fun to send a blank one home with the parents before the ARD and ask them to make one for themselves with the name they prefer to be addressed as during the meeting. We could keep it, laminate it, and put it in the student’s folder to be used each year.

One thing I want to remember about beginning and ending meetings is… ALWAYS begin and end with a smile or laughter.

Fialka, J. M., Feldman, A. K., & Mikus, K. C. (2012). Parents and professionals partnering for children with disabilities: A dance that matters. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin.