The Story of Sam
The first thing I felt as I read from Sam’s mother’s perspective was her exhaustion. They had taken Sam to two pediatricians, a neurologist, a geneticist, an audiologist, a speech therapist, and now the school psychologist in the course of two years (Fialka, Feldman, & Mikus, 2012, p.40). They just want answers and to know what to do to help their baby.
When the school psychologist thinks, “you must be tired of telling your story over and over” (Fialka, et al, p. 41), it was as if I was looking back at myself in my counselor’s office twenty years ago. I was in the midst of a divorce and had decided to see a counselor again. I went to the counseling department at the seminary in Ft. Worth because it was affordable. I was so tired of telling my story. I was so relieved when the graduate student/counselor walked in and it was someone from my church. They already knew my story. I didn’t have to start from scratch again. I can’t imagine how a parent feels when it is their child, they see multiple specialists, and they feel so overwhelmed and helpless.
As I continued reading through the story of Sam, there were several things that stood out. I think the biggest thing that never crossed my mind is how hard the process could be on the psychologist and other school staff members who are assessing and reporting. I am the teacher. When they come to me, their assessments have been completed. I never thought of how difficult being the bearer of potentially negative findings would be. I don’t go into an ARD meeting thinking “how painful and frightening this process can be for parents” (Fialka, et al., p. 45). The school psychologist summed it up with this thought, “to help, I must hurt” (p. 53). What a big responsibility! I will never take our diagnostician for granted again.
The Story of Rachel
I am more familiar with Rachel’s story. I taught general education for nineteen years. Moving through the RtI process with a student was a process I’ve been through many times. Rachel’s parents, like Sam’s parents, feel “overwhelmed” (Fialka, et al., p. 66). They have so many questions, but they aren’t sure how to ask. They are immediately bombarded with “special ed lingo” (Fialka, et al., p. 67).
We provide parents with the Procedural Safeguards, but there is so much information for them to learn. I think one of the first things we should do with parents is to provide them with a simple timeline and simple explanation with terminology that can be understood by someone outside of the education world. Let’s make it as easy on them as possible.
The psychologist thinks “I wish we had learned more about talking with parents when I was in college” (Fialka, et al., p. 69). YES! A million times YES! Communicating is a learned skill. Some educators are masters of communicating with parents. Some are not. I think I am somewhere in between. I have been so blessed to have administrators who are so good at it. I watch them and try to soak up their words and tones.
What now?
As I finished reading about Sam and Rachel, there were many similarities from the perspective of the parents and the psychologists. The parents are fearful, anxious, and just want answers. The wait is so difficult. There are legal timelines that must be followed, but Rachel’s mom is shocked when she is told that by law the next meeting would be held within sixty days (Fialka, et al., p. 67). Two months is too long. Two months, approximately forty school days, is too long. I know that sixty days is the maximum, but I’ve seen diagnosticians who procrastinate or who have too many other assessments to complete. The need for more specialists is huge. The workload for those administering assessments, scoring and writing up the reports is currently too much. It’s not fair to the parents, the school staff, and most importantly, the child.
In both scenarios, all parties want what is best for the child. Each wants to heard. Parents want those working with their children to see the whole child, not just the test scores or their challenges. The psychologists want the parents to know that is what they want too. I think we need to say that. As an educator, my first priority when I am working with a parent is for them to know that I love their child. Always start with the positive. I probably drive my diagnostician and administrator crazy with little stories I think of to share with the parents during an ARD meeting, but when I see the parents smile and everyone laughs, it is worth it to interrupt the agenda.
It’s all about relationships. Let’s dance.
Fialka, J. M., Feldman, A. K., & Mikus, K. C. (2012). Parents and professionals partnering for children with disabilities: A dance that matters. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin.
All JOY...All the time! 